Minor Annoyances

When you go to a bar and order a mocktail of cranberry and seltzer with lime, trying to be a semi-sober, smooth grown-up, when they give it to you in a giant glass with an equally large bendy straw. When you're on a date.

Word Verification on web sites. They have "WjsuVxT" written in neon red on a pink striped background, and you're expected to type it?!

Stupid MySpace bulletins. Like the one where people say, "Everyone on MySpace is fake. If you're a non-fake real friend, you'll re-post this." I'm fake. I have highlights. So what?! And also bulletins by Tom Impersonators. It took me a couple of months, but by being stealth, I figured out that people can easily immitate Tom, and I no longer buy it.

People who put their kids up to their dirty work. I was walking through the park on Sunday, when this sweet little girl handed me a pamphlet. About Jesus. I looked up and there were her parents, watching. They knew I couldn't ignore this young girl, like I usually do when randoms hand out paperwork. They tricked me. That's mean!

When Sophie Sassypants confuses "bedtime" with "playtime." She's in her own kitty world most of the time, but the minute head hits pillow, it's all over. One-by-one, she drags her toys on the bed. I throw. She fetches. I throw far, hoping she won't have the strength to carry the catnip mouse 20 feet with her chompers. I'm wrong. So I eventually hide the toys in my nightstand drawer so I can sleep. Maybe I'm mean?

Don't Be Mean To Mother Nature!!!

Today started just like any other day in my third-floor apartment. Z100 The Morning Zoo blares out of my crappy speakers with a 7:20am phone tap. Sophie Sassypants, who has been laying on the pillow next to me, bites my arm. I hit Snooze. About five times until 8:15am. I sit up, Sophie cocks her head at me. I stretch to open the blinds by my bed, so Sophie can watch the birds outside — her favorite thing to do. Then I see it. Or...lack of it. There once was a massive tree right outside my bedroom window. It was there yesterday. It's gone this morning. I run to look out another window. No tree. I swear to you, I think for five seconds that I'm dreaming. Am I in the wrong apartment? My building is basically in the backyard of another building, and all I can see is the dirty piss-stained building in front of me. No beautiful tree with a half dozen birds in it's branches on any given day.

I left the house every morning for my 10-hour workday knowing that Sophie would be content. She'd be sitting on my bed watching the birds when I got home. And I almost cried this morning because her happiness was taken away. I know it's just a tree. It's just a kitten. But now I know why my pop wants me to be so happy. Because it makes him happy. Now that my kitten's most favorite thing was taken away, it makes me a little sad.